


Welcome to Sunset Valley

by ShadowBunnyDragon



Category: Welcome to Night Vale, Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Conspiracy, Conspiracy Theories, F/M, Fantasy, Horror, Science Fiction, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-03-27 16:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13884459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowBunnyDragon/pseuds/ShadowBunnyDragon
Summary: Originally written for a Zootopia Halloween Fanfiction Writing Contest, this is a fun Zootopia-themed tribute to Welcome to Night Vale!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Hello there dear readers! I'm happy to bring you a brand new story! _Welcome to Sunset Valley_ is a Zootopia-themed tribute to the wonderfully dark and strange podcast, _Welcome to Night Vale_!  
> **

A cordial wasteland community where the sun is searing, the moon is stunning, and unknown beams of luminescence flicker by in the night sky as we all feign slumber. Welcome...to Sunset Valley...

 

[ _Intro Music Plays_ ]

 

Welcome back, precious listeners. As always, I am the one known only as Honey Badger, here to bring you the news you care so much about of our pleasant little town of Sunset Valley.

 

Well, precious listeners, some exciting news. It would seem that construction began last night of the new Sunset Valley strip mall. It also seems that construction finished last night as well, shortly after it began. I have a small note here with me from the local Sheriff's office, which insists that the mall was actually being constructed over the course of several months, and everyone simply just didn't notice it. I certainly would have thought that I would notice a forty-six story building that takes up about a hundred acres right next to the town square, but I guess that I'm just not that observant.

 

Anyhow, the mall's grand opening will be at noon today! The first five hundred mammals who show up will receive coupons for 98% off any four hundred items! Wow, now that's a suspiciously great deal! However, only the first five hundred mammals that arrive shall be allowed to pass through the mall's thick iron double doors and blast shields. After that, the doors will be sealed shut, and not open again for the next twenty-four hours.

 

A whispering voice in my ear, certainly not being spoken by a mammal dressed in military fatigues, who absolutely did not enter via a hidden door right here in the station, is informing me that the closing and sealing of the doors is to enhance the shopping experience of the lucky five hundred mammals to participate. I am also being informed that this is not an elaborate social experiment where the five hundred mammals are going to have explosive tracking devices implanted at the base of their skulls and then forced to systematically kill a certain number of each other, in exchange for their lives and their release. Well, I don't know about you, precious listeners, but I sure do love a good sale.

 

In other news...uh...huh? I'm sorry listeners...but it looks like the next announcement I have for you here has been almost completely redacted. The only parts of it that are not blotted out by inky black marker lines are the words _Clockwork_ and _Corpses_. This does not appear to be intentional, based on the black line covering up the rest of the paragraph seeming to fade out just before _Clockwork_. Which leads me to conclude that this entire document was not intended to go on the air, and that the marker used to redact it simply ran out of ink. I'm just going to go ahead and retract my earlier statement about the words _Clockwork_ and _Corpses_. Apparently the powers that be which secretly control and monitor all of us here do not wish for you to know anything about what's on this piece of paper. So let us all go ahead and respect their wishes, and stop thinking about _Clockwork Corpses_ altogether. It's the polite thing to do, after all.

 

Now on to sports! Things are shaping up to be an exciting season for Sunset Valley High School's football team, _The Sunset Valley Ghouls_. Star quarterback, Luke Dooney, has recovered completely from the injury he sustained during last month's practice. As you most likely already know, Luke received a bite mark above his left hoof after an altercation with an elderly and sick-looking homeless moose, who shambled their way onto the field and accosted Luke. The brave young buck fended off his attacker and managed to pin them on the ground as they waited for the proper authorities to collect the vagrant moose. The moose in question simply moaned as they writhed and squirmed and attempted to bite down on anyone within reach. Thankfully, the professional mammals in the simple black suits and ties were able to expertly guide the moose into the back of a black van, with no license plates, and drive off.

 

Unfortunately, after several hours of being bitten, Luke complained of a headache and a slight dizzy sensation, shortly before he collapsed. Within minutes of the paramedics arriving and strapping him down onto the gurney, Luke was reported as moaning in a similar fashion as his earlier attacker, and attempting to bite down on anyone nearby while reaching for them, until his arms and legs had been completely secured. This was believed to be the result of a fever dream, caused by a sudden and serious infection. 

 

However, Luke is not only apparently on the mend, but doctor-certified as being more than capable of playing! Granted, his mouth had to be wired shut, because of some oddly vague reason involving his infection, but that should not impede his ability to play whatsoever. Also...Luke seems to have lost a bit of his coordination...but surely this is only temporary. A truly inspiring underdog story if ever I've heard one, precious listeners! 

 

And now on to the weekly horoscopes! Let's see...where did I put that list? Oh! Here it is! Right where I left it underneath my standard-issue Necronomicon. Okay...first on the list...ah yes.

 

Aries! Your horoscope says...be sure to have an umbrella at the ready before you leave for work today...or a poncho...and of course a pair of goggles! Also remember, in order to get out those pesky blood and gristle stains, you'll need to first soak the stained clothes in cold water and then use club soda or vinegar when scrubbing by paw!

 

Taurus! Well, you have a very lucky week to look forward to. You have been selected by the local masked mammals that no one is allowed to acknowledge to attend a _special_ , and mandatory, pizza party at an undisclosed location! You won't need to know the address of the location, as the masked mammals will take you to the pizza party in a windowless van that they shall come to collect you in, after surprising and blindfolding you of course.

 

Gemini! According to this sheet here...any and all suspicions that you may or may not have about the black, windowless ice cream trucks that make hourly sweeps up and down your street are completely unfounded. The ice cream trucks are there for your safety, but unfortunately do not carry any ice cream. And the slow, rhythmic chanting being broadcast from their speakers is not for you to listen to. Listening to the chanting for any prolonged period of time may cause mild headaches, severe migraines, bleeding to occur from any and all orifices, and mild hallucinations of shadowy figures turning into exact duplicates of some of your neighbors and/or loved ones, attempting to kill them in order to assume their identities.

 

Cancer! You think that you weren't seen last night...but you were. You think that you weren't heard last night...but you were. You think that you're safe behind your locked doors and windows, hiding in your panic room...but you're not.

 

Leo! In the coming days, you may suddenly have hallucinations of an exact duplicate of yourself appearing as though out of thin air. This purely imagined and unreal duplicate will more than likely attempt to kill you and assume your identity. Simply ignore it and it will soon go away. It is not real, there are no real doppelgangers, and there certainly are no doppelgangers from an alternate Earth that was destroyed, who are simply trying to find a new home here in Sunset Valley. Everything is perfectly fine. Just go about your daily routines as though there were nothing out of the ordinary. Because there isn't.

 

Virgo! Avoid any and all jars of marmalade at all costs. Your life and your sanity depend on this.

 

Libra! Let's see...oh...oh my...I don't think that I shall be reading this one aloud. It is best that you do not know, and dwell upon it in the short amount of time that you have left...you shall find out for yourself soon enough as it is...

 

Scorpio! Aside from some random disappearing and reappearing in the local library, nothing out of the ordinary.

 

Sagittarius! If your phone rings at any time...even after it's been unplugged...perhaps don't answer it.

 

Capricorn! Look in your fridge, underneath that carton of eggs that just expired and you'll find a red envelope with your name written on it in intricate calligraphy. You must not open it until midnight on the night of the full moon. Resist the urge, I implore you, to open it before that moment, or else you will face horrifying consequences.

 

Aquarius! Today is an excellent day to show some initiative at work. And of course, as always, be sure not to look your boss directly in the eye, as that will be construed as a challenge and will lead to a gladiatorial fight to the death in the conference room, as you have no doubt read in your employee handbook.

 

Last and certainly least, just kidding, Pisces! Be sure to keep your head up and a spring in your step as you may experience more than just a few minor annoyances, like people rudely jumping out of the back of the unmarked white van waiting at the stop light in front of you, with their paws or hooves bound and blindfolded, frantically trying to remove both and run away as several masked mammals try to recapture them; all while you continue to sit there and wait, possibly making you late for work. Just bear in mind that patience is a virtue and that you shall be rewarded in due time. We shall all receive our just rewards...in due time...

 

Some more exciting news, precious listeners. According to some anonymous call-ins, we here at the station have just learned that, due to the utter lack of any mammals showing up at the new mall to attempt to receive the special limited time discount, a series of heavily armored, nondescript black windowless vans are now going door to door in residential areas, _collecting_ mammals to shuttle to the mall. Now that sure sounds like a fun surprise. There are more than a few mammals who seem to be less than enthused about the idea of a surprise trip to the new mall, but the military fatigue-clad mammals are more than willing to take them along anyway. So generous!

 

Now, it's time to hear from one of our sponsors!

 

_When you sleep, you dream. More often than not, when you awaken, your mind quickly works to forget the dream. This is because of secret, arcane, and horrible truths that your subconscious mind has uncovered during your nighttime astral travels across the many different dimensions. Sometimes it's simply a result of your waking mind not being able to comprehend the complex thoughts and images that your subconscious mind can. In this case, what happens is that your conscious mind simply recalls only minute details that make the most sense out of what would otherwise seem even more nonsensical that you could ever imagine._

_Should this knowledge concern you? Yes, yes it should. An aspect of your psyche traveled to places unknown by the physical for a reason. It is trying to warn the rest of you. They are coming. From the deepest corners of your genetic memory, you feel a twinge of primal fear, as you should. They are coming, and they are going to be cruel. If only you could remember and understand what your subconscious mind is desperately trying to tell you, perhaps you could do something. But you can't._

_Instead, snap yourself of a piece of a Snick-Snack bar!_

 

Oh? Precious listeners, I've just been handed an official-looking document directly from the mayor's office. It's in the form of a rolled-up scroll of what I believe to be parchment, and it even has mayor Leodore's official family crest in the wax seal. My claws are literally trembling in anticipation as I'm about to break the seal, after I take a moment to chant the official Sunset Valley chant, as is custom with breaking wax seals.

 

[ _A low and gurgling moan begins, interspersed with dolphin squeaks and the cry of a bald eagle, and continues with a slow erratic drum beat in the background. All in the span of five minutes, exactly._ ]

 

And now that that's taken care of, let's see what the mayor's office has to announce.

 

[ _The slight whisper of parchment being unrolled._ ]

 

...Oh...dear...uh...p-precious listeners...uh...I am truly shocked and unprepared for this official mayoral announcement. It would seem that this is an official proclamation directly from mayor Leodore Lionheart himself! According to this, the mayor has officially declared that the new strip mall was illegally built, citing that the location is atop an ancient burial site. This official proclamation is also citing how that same area has already been zoned for construction of a new skate park, which, upon completion, all residents of Sunset Valley are officially warned against entering, speaking about, looking at, or even acknowledging.

 

Listeners, I am unsure as to what this official declaration means but...oh...dear...I'm being passed a note by our office intern, Louise. It would appear that the ramifications for the mayor's declaration are taking immediate effect, as the entire structure of the mall itself has begun to...disintegrate? Precious listeners, I haven't heard of a large building in all of Sunset Valley disintegrating...in at least seven months, but that was part of our traditional Valentine's Day celebration.

 

Oh...my...I am being passed another note from Louise. According to some anonymous tips, the mammals in military fatigues are currently attempting to halt the disintegration of the mall, by trying to force their way into City Hall. Fortunately, City Hall is never in any one fixed location for long, as it has a tendency to disappear and reappear all over town and in the surrounding desert. As a result, the militarily-dressed mammals who are not officially associated with any branch of any military are now beginning to question any mammal on the street about the whereabouts of City Hall. And a new note that I've been passed is informing me that as the mall continues to disintegrate, the local sherriff's department are now clashing with the military fatigue dressed mammals. This...this is starting to get ugly...

 

And now, your weekly forecast!

 

_What is reality? Reality is what?_

_What is reality? Reality is what?_

_What is reality? Reality is what?_

_What is reality? Reality is what?_

_What is reality? Reality is what?_

_All that is and ever was, and ever shall be within our universe, is but a dew drop on the back of a great cosmic tortoise. Our lives are not our own, yet they are in our possession. Do with this knowledge whatever you shall, for it is truly inconsequential. To say that we are but dust on the wind is to give our individual existences far too much credit. We each one of us barely make up any one percentage of the subatomic particles that make up an individual particle of dust. We must learn to overcome our desires to be relevant to the ever indifferent universe if we are ever to truly be free._

_In short...just get over yourself._

 

 

Excellent news precious listeners! Peace has been officially restored! After the mall finished disintegrating, the military-fatigue wearing mammals all starting disintegrating as well. Once what was left of their forms ceased writhing in agony, and then ceased to be altogether, order was quickly restored to the town. This was done by way of the sheriff's department saying certain trigger phrases that, when heard by the average Sunset Valley citizen, will activate a pre-programmed series of commands within all of our psyches, making us all return to our homes and make peanut butter sandwiches.

 

At the location where the Sunset Valley strip mall used to stand, there is now a set of construction equipment and a construction crew, who have already broken ground on the new skate park. I'm sure that it's going to be a fantastic new addition to our bustling town square. Of course, after its completion, no one shall be allowed to acknowledge its existence under threat of immediate arrest, internment, and subsequent reeducation. So basically an average misdemeanor.

 

And now another word from our sponsors!

 

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_Choose Sprinter Mobile! After all, yes...yes you did in fact shut that closet door. Are those...footsteps? Coming from the attic? But wait...you don't have an attic..._

_Sprinter Mobile! Now the footsteps are coming from right around the corner...blocking off your only way out of the room...and they're getting closer...and closer...and closer..._

_Sprinter Mobile! Act fast...or else..._

 

Well now, this just in precious listeners. I have been instructed to officially retract my earlier broadcasted statements revolving around there ever being any Strip Mall near the town square, as well as the presence of mysterious mammals dressed in military fatigues being involved in any way. Our sleepy little town is safe, and that's all that we need to know about the situation. Anyone with any questions about the events that had transpired today is instructed to keep their mouths shut, and to just go on like any other day. 

 

Those with questions, who are being particularly persistent about it, can instead call up a representative from Sunset Valley's hidden council, who will be more than happy to forcibly escort you to a place where you can have those questions answered, and never return from. You don't even need to actually call anyone. Simply ask your question, while enunciating loudly and clearly, in your living room in your house, and an informant for the hidden council shall hear you just fine.

 

Precious listeners, I just found, stuck to the bottom of my left shoe, a small and hastily-looking scrawled note, written on a napkin. What in the worlds? Ho boy! Ladies, gentlemen, and those that identify however they wish to, I have some BIG news! According to this note, which appears to be a plea for help, our local high school football team's rivals, the Wasteland Ridge High School team, the _Arachnids_ , have all come down with a strange and violent illness. One which bears a striking similarity to the one that Quarterback Luke Dooney contracted from a wandering vagrant moose, who transmitted it through a bite. Apparently the source of the infection for their team was an infected shrew mail carrier, as his uniform suggested, who was only quarantined after biting several players and the assistant coach.

 

All those bitten report feeling dizzy and headaches, shortly before collapsing. When they regain consciousness, all of the infected appear to develop a taste for flesh, predator and prey alike. Any and all bitten by the infected will themselves become just like them. Precious listeners, don't you see what's happening? The hated Wasteland Ridge has to forfeit the upcoming game! Yet another victory for our Sunset Valley Ghouls, albeit a rather unorthodox victory.

 

This has truly been quite the eventful and memorable day, which no one shall be allowed to remember most of. Up next, a radio program that only beings from the sixth, eighth, and negative fortieth dimensions can hear and understand. As is usual, good evening Sunset Valley. Good evening...and good luck...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hello there, dear readers! I'm super happy to bring you the next chapter of _Welcome to Sunset Valley_! Sorry for the delay, but I have so many stories that I'm working on at the moment that it has made for slower chapter updates. Be sure to check out my stories _The Door_ and its sequel, _The Keyhole_ for more fun Zootopia fanfiction, and be sure to check out my other stories over on Fictionpress.com. They are _The Fox's Path_ , _The Thaumaturgist_ , and _Hairball_! Thanks once again for reading, and be sure to tell me what you think!**

They are watching you. They are _always_ watching you. They have been watching you, long before you ever came to be. _You_ are an insignificant little speck to them... and yet they still watch. They are waiting... but not for much longer. Welcome... to Sunset Valley...

 

 

[ _Intro Music Plays_ ]

 

 

Welcome back, precious listeners. As always, I am your host, Honey Badger, here to bring you news about our special little desert town.

 

I have some exciting news, precious listeners! The construction of the new skate park has finally finished. Yes, over eleven and a half acres of concrete ramps, half-pipes, grinding rails, totems carved in the likenesses of ancient deities of chaos and madness, and even a concession stand, just finished and awaiting scores of Sunset Valley youth to come and eventually injure themselves on... that will never have the opportunity. That is because, as of the moment of its completion, no one is allowed in, near, to look at, or even to acknowledge the skate park. This is all under pain of arrest, internment at a secret facility, and reeducation. 

 

Oh, in fact, precious listeners, I have just been handed a note informing me that I am to retract my earlier statement about the skate park... I mean, about something that I am not legally allowed to acknowledge the existence of. What's more, I have just been informed that all those of you who made the mistake of listening to my earlier statements regarding... such a thing, are to inform the local Sheriff's office for immediate arrest. Failure to do so shall result in an additional scolding along with the internment at the aforementioned secret facility and the also aforementioned reeducation. Those wishing to turn themselves in need not go directly to the Sheriff's office, they need only to speak in a succinct voice into any lamp shade, shower head, mechanical pencil, or utensil drawer in their houses. They will hear your confession just fine... they always do... but only if you enunciate clearly.

 

Moving on, next on the docket, my fine mammals, is something you'll all be very excited to hear about. There have been reports of a new mammal having wandered into town. That's right folks, we have an outsider in our midst.

 

Now, I know that the Sunset Valley Chamber of Congress prefers that whenever a new mammal to town arrives, that citizens point and scream at them the word _interloper_ , which eyewitnesses reporting on the newcomer's every single action have diligently been doing. But what makes _this_ interloper stand out more than the others is that they appear to be a species of mammal never before seen by Sunset Valley residents. In fact, there's no zoological record of any mammal even remotely like this one at all, as has been reported by one helpful eyewitness after consulting the Hall of Recorded Species. Of course, since the Chamber of Congress declared it illegal for anyone to ever enter the Hall of Recorded Species, they were quickly arrested by the Sheriff's Department in windowless black vans with matching license plates that read, _Knowledge is power, and power is dangerous in the wrong hands. Therefore, to be safe, all forms of power must be kept out of everyone's hands at all times, in any form it takes. If you are entering this van against your own volition, then you have no one else to blame for it other than yourself._ Wow, I just realized that that's a lot to squeeze onto a license plate.

 

Anyway, precious listeners, this new person in town, this new... mammal... is just so... odd. And I don't mean our little town's special brand of odd... or maybe I do...

 

Eyewitnesses are reporting that the mammal in question stands at around six and a half feet tall, they weigh just a little over one hundred and thirty three pounds, and that their breath smells faintly of crisp mint and a splash of coconut. This tidbit of information was supplied by the Office of Interloper Weighing, Measuring, Monitoring, and Breath Smell Analysis, as is standard. Also, he is reported to be politely introducing himself as Matthew Peyton. My, my, my, this sounds like one interesting... _specimen_...

 

And now on to the daily traffic report!

 

There is a mammal, a rhinoceros, driving alone in the dead of night. His clothes are wrinkled, the left sleeve of his flannel jacket torn open. Underneath the tear are three claw marks, exposing bright pink flesh and crusted with dried blood. His eyes have a haunted look to them, as well as the look of one who has gone several days without sleep. He swerves a little on the road, and knows that he is pushing himself beyond the point of exhaustion. He knows that he should pull over, that he is in no condition to keep driving. But he doesn't dare. He knows what has been following him for the past few days. And while he hasn't seen any sign of it for over six hours, he just knows that if he stops, it will catch up to him, and finish what it started. He feels the stinging reminder in his left arm, and shudders in horror. As he checks his rear-view mirror, he freezes. For a second, he thought he saw movement in the back seat. He looks back to the road only for a second and then back to the mirror, looking into several dozen crimson red, hate-filled eyes. His ears twitch at the sound of a low, wet, sickening, and all too hauntingly familiar gurgle coming from the back seat.

 

And that was a look at the traffic report!

 

Precious listeners! I have just received a text from our office intern, Kevin, who claims that he managed to take a discreet picture of the new mammal with his phone, while of course screaming _Interloper_ and pointing at them. Oho! Kevin's so diligent, why, he's even gotten fourteen of the fifteen special stickers on his I.D. card that, when he gets that fifteenth one, shall receive stoplight exemption for a whole year! Anyways, Kevin's going to be sending me the picture he took of the mammal any second now and... oh... my...

 

... Listeners... this mammal in question has a completely furless face... aside of course from the eyebrows. I cannot tell if the rest of his tanned body underneath that smart-looking white polo-shirt is hairless as well... but considering how tight it is... and how well he seems to be wearing it, I would have to say that there isn't much hair to be found under there... His eyes are the most striking shade of emerald green... and his nose! I have yet to see a nose shaped like that before, yet it's... kinda cute, on his face. And those lips... but his face is showing not only a sign of intelligence... but also a sign of confusion... and a hint of worry... I just want to help the poor guy, however I can. 

 

What the, oh no... Listeners, I have just received terrible news. The new mammal, whose name I have just been informed is Matthew, has just been arrested for acknowledging... uh... something that I legally cannot acknowledge... eyewitnesses have reported several sheriff's deputies dragging him into one of their cruisers and driving off to an undisclosed location.

 

And now a word from our sponsors!

 

_Cold... and dark. The depths beneath the sea are always cold and dark. The things that lurk down there are also cold and dark... and intelligent... and cunning. And they are coming. As they draw ever closer to the surface, the light stinging their cold and dark flesh only a little, they begin to hunger. They all hunger greatly. Seize a Snackers..._

 

Listeners! It is as I have feared... the new mammal, Matthew, the beautiful new mammal -- and these additional photos our office intern, Kevin, discreetly took, further prove him to be quite the snappy dresser -- has arrived at the secret compound for reeducation. As we all know, the secret compound for reeducation is located just beneath the local bowling alley, _Strike It From The Records. No One Can Ever Know The True Purpose Of This Facility, Ever. The Ground-Level Section Shall Be A Bowling Alley, Which Will Act As A Front. We'll Need To Come Up With A Proper Name For The Place Though. CLAWHAUSER! What Are You Writing Down There? It Had Better Be A Potential Name For The Bowling Alley Front Right Above Us!_ as is its name in bright blinking green neon above the front entrances. Which, of course, all the local residents simply refer to as the bowling alley, since there's only one in town.

 

According to Kevin, the mysterious and exotic-looking mammal named Matthew is being roughly shoved out of the van, a black cloth sack over his head, and is being pushed through the front doors. Kevin sent a few texts explaining that he was going to continue following the sheriff's deputies and Matthew inside. More on this developing story to come.

 

And now, the weekly horoscopes!

 

Aries! Your horoscope today says... do not open any lavender scented letters you receive today. Under absolutely no circumstance should you open any lavender scented letters you receive today. I cannot stress this enough. **Do not open it!**

 

Taurus! According to your horoscope... you will see a bright series of slowly rotating stars in the night sky tonight. Only you shall be able to see them, no one else will. You will have a choice to make. Thankfully, there is a complex mathematical equation that can be applied to each of the rotating stars you observe. Hopefully you'll be able to figure it out in time. And if not... well, you were warned...

 

Gemini! Today is a great day for love! Any and all romantic feelings that you wish to explore today, by all means, feel free to do so! After filling out all of the proper paperwork first. And of course, seeing a doctor and getting the required blood test. Now is the time for action!

 

Cancer! You might also want to see a medical professional today, and get some tests done. No specific reason... and the thick psychedelic haze that surrounded your house a few weeks ago is in no way involved with this statement. None whatsoever.

 

Leo! Today is most certainly _not_ your lucky day! Be very careful about any packages you accept from strange mammals dressed in orange hazmat suits. Be sure to look both ways, in every possible alternate reality to be sure, before crossing the street. And don't go walking underneath any ladders today. Some of them might be beings from the aforementioned alternate realities that resemble ladders, but are actually dangerous predators. It actually might be best for everyone to err on the side of extreme caution around any ladder you might come across. Be especially wary if it seems that a ladder is moving whenever you are not looking at it.

 

Virgo! Be sure to drink plenty of water today! Complimentary bottles of water are being delivered to you house. Be sure to drink them all. Please disregard any and all voices, whispers, screams, or pleas of mercy that you might think you are hearing from each bottle that you open. The water is safe and came from a natural spring. Not any spring that was located next to any kind of ancient burial site. And definitely not any burial site for entities that come from the space between universes.

 

Libra! Today is going to be one hectic day! Be sure to expect things along the lines of the copy machine at work jamming, spontaneous mammalian combustion, flat tires, and an unnerving encounter from a person from your past.

 

Scorpio! HEY! PICK UP THAT CAN YOU DROPPED!!! DON'T LITTER! PUT IT IN THE PROPER RECYCLING BIN, NOW!!!

 

Sagittarius! Good news! Your pet snake is going to be just fine! He was only a little sick, and Fluffy will be back to his usual listless self in no time! Oh wait, you're saying that you never had a pet snake? Sure you have! In a parallel universe, you have a pet snake named Fluffy! WE ALL DO. WE ALL DO. WE ALL DO. [ _Unintelligible Gurgling._ ]

 

Capricorn! [ _Loud Static Hiss, Interspersed With Chorused Voices in Multiple Languages._ ]

 

Aquarius! You might want to wear some sort of protective helmet today. No reason.

 

Pices! You shall be subjected to random drug testing today. Please report to the white, unmarked office building near the library today to await the randomized assortment of drugs that shall be tested on you. Failure to comply shall result in automatically failing the drug test. And before you ask, yes, we do know how drug tests work. The question is, do you?

 

Listeners, it would seem that Kevin, our faithful office intern, was caught attempting to gain entry into the lower sections of the bowling alley. And he sent me several frightful texts explaining that he attempted to flee, but was quickly surrounded. I received a picture. From the angle of the picture, I can see frightened teenaged weasel in a blue flannel shirt and jeans, clearly Kevin, being tackled by a masked wolf dressed in a hot pink uniform and cape, one of the sheriff's deputies. And that was the last thing sent to me by Kevin.

 

To the family and friends of our, it seems now former, office intern, Kevin McAlister, I would like to express my condolences. While we here at the station have yet to receive any confirmation of Kevin's... outcome... I sincerely doubt that we ever will receive any information regarding Kevin. Furthermore, I think we all know that anyone asking any questions about Kevin from here on out can expect to be made to disappear shortly afterwards, so no real point in looking into it further. But I do have some good news! It's looking like we're going to have an open slot for a new office intern here at the station very soon! If you are interested in interning here, and are not afraid of potentially being taken to a secret location against your will for indefinite detainment, be sure to drop off an application at the front desk!

 

And now, another word from our sponsors!

 

_You hear a low buzzing hum coming from behind you. You turn to see what's making the noise, but instead, you still hear it coming from behind you. Slowly, it starts to grow in pitch. You turn and search and search and search. Still, the noise is coming from right behind you. The pitch rises again, and there is pain. You realize that the buzzing is actually coming from inside your own head. You reach up to touch your ears... and pull back your paw, the tip covered in blood. The pitch rises again, the pain becomes unbearable, and now you are aware of the sensation of many tiny things crawling about under your flesh. You can see bumps moving across your arms as patches of your fur start to fall out in clumps._

_Snip into a Slender James._

 

Precious listeners, there has been a development with the legal abduction, imprisonment, and reeducation of the new mammal to our small town. Kevin, our station intern, somehow managed to send out a single text to the Sunset Valley Chamber of Congress, who secretly oversee all the actions of the Sheriff's department. While the majority of what the text read cannot be disclosed over the air, I am allowed to report this. The legal abduction of the strange new mammal named Matthew Peyton, was not legal at all! It was revealed during questioning that the species of mammal that he claims to be, something called a hue-mann, is not registered anywhere as being an existing species. Since he is claiming to be of a species that is not registered as officially existing, the Sheriff's department, by order of the Chamber of Congress, released Matthew and are now pretending not to see or hear him, and must continue to do so until Matthew's species is officially recorded. 

 

I have just been passed a note from the Chamber of Congress stating that the Official Species Registering Ceremony can only take place during a solar eclipse, so Matthew's going to have to wait another two and a half months before the Sheriff's department can officially acknowledge his existence. Based on the reports from the many eyewitnesses and a few of the more careless deputies, as well as these striking pictures... oh, uh, M-Matthew... I mean, Mr. Peyton, seems to be a kind and polite enough mammal. So therefore, I don't think that we have to worry about him potentially abusing the legal loophole of actually being above the law for the next two and a half months.

 

Whoops, it looks like I almost forgot to take you to this week's forecast!

 

_It crawls. No. It slithers. Yes. It quickly slithers from shadow to shadow, circling, watching. It is not a snake, yet it slithers. Its red eyes are filled with malice and glee. It stalks its prey. It watches all of the different kinds of prey as they all walk on their hind legs, and go about their day. It watches as some get into cars and drive around. It watches from alleys, sewer drains, shaded rooftops, anywhere there is darkness. It likes the dark. And it's waiting for the sun to set. It will slither out at night to roam the streets and neighborhoods, searching for any unwary prey foolish enough to be out and about at night on their own. It slithers and it waits._

_And it smiles a wicked and horrid smile on the mismatched and fanged maw that is its mouth._

 

 

Listeners, it has been confirmed that Matthew has already rented a room at the Blood Moon Motel, just off of Main Street, and has confirmed that he's going to be looking into finding much more long-term lodgings! This is so exciting! He claims to have no idea of how he had arrived in this odd and out-of-place little town of ours, but that he rather likes it, and is considering moving here. He has also stated that he has no memory of ever trying to get to Sunset Valley, or even ever hearing about it before. Just that one minute, he was stepping foot out the door of his childhood home in some place called San Dye-ego, wherever that is, when he suddenly fell down onto a dusty desert landscape, where large things could be observed moving beneath the sandy and rocky landscape. That was how he had wandered into town, just like so many of the new arrivals during our tourism boom!

 

Well now, precious listeners, I must say that today was quite the interesting day! It would seem like our potential new resident got quite the welcome to our odd little town, and we at the station are going to be welcoming a new intern soon! So exciting! As a matter of fact, I think I'm going to go and see if I can't get an interview with Mr. Peyton. Just him and myself, one on one, perhaps under the stars at Gideon's Bakery, the best and only bakery not burned down under mysterious circumstances in all of Sunset Valley. Oh, uh... coming up next, listeners, is the sounds of repetitive chanting in ancient languages set to the music of _The Beagles' Greatest Hits_. As always, good evening Sunset Valley. Good evening... and good luck...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **And there we have it, dear readers! I would like to thank my good friend, Trismegistus Shandy, for proofreading my story. They are a very talented author, and you can find their stories on TGStorytime.com!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hello there, dear readers! I have returned with the newest chapter of _Welcome to Sunset Valley_! If you weren't already aware, this Zootopia-themed FanFiction is a tribute to the amazingly dark, funny, brilliant, deep, and crazy fake radio show/podcast called _Welcome to Night Vale_. Please be sure to check the show out, for all of the reasons listed previously. And once more I am happily giving a shoutout and thanks to my very good friend, _Trismegistus Shandy_ , for proofreading this chapter. They are themselves a very talented author, and their works can be found on the site, TGStorytime.com, so be sure to give their stories a read as well! Now, without any further ado, please enjoy!**

Look to the stars! Remain looking at those beautifully sinister stars. There is absolutely nothing to be concerned about in the ground beneath you. Not a _single_ dangerous thing preparing to attack you from below. Just keep focusing on nothing else but those twinkling stars in the night sky. Welcome to Sunset Valley.

 

[ _Intro Music Plays_ ]

 

Hello again, precious listeners. As always, or for as long as you have come to perceive it that way, I am your host, Honey Badger. Once more, I bring you the news of the goings on of our sleepy little community.

 

So, precious listeners, today's program is going to be dedicated to a fascinating member of our community. And no, it's, unfortunately, not going to be about the mysterious new member of our community, the hue-mann Matthew. Although he and I were able to schedule a one-on-one interview this coming Friday... and I'm so excited! OH! Uh... a-anyway, listeners, today's program is about one of our wonderful little community's unsung heroes, Maurice Ramsley.

 

Mr. Ramsley, for those who are unaware, is one of Sunset Valley's brave Volunteer Librarians. That's right, five days a week he puts his life on the line to protect all of us ordinary citizens from the dangers lurking within the Sunset Valley Library. Mainly books and the harmful ideas that they tend to contain. He is the kind, twenty-six year old ram who can usually be seen at the Volunteer Librarian Station in the Library itself, by those brave enough to venture inside. He is always willing to greet those that enter with a warm smile, always standing at the ready with his battle trident to be used at a moment's notice should any of the books become too violent.

 

And now on to the traffic report! __

_There is a mammal, a russet-colored fox, driving in a cherry red convertible. The wind rustles his headfur as he drives along. He observes, through his aviators, a forest that he and his passenger pass. The light grey rabbit with the piercing lavender eyes smiles as she holds up her phone to record the passing scenery. She is wearing a light blue sundress, while the fox is yet again dressed in a green unbuttoned Pawaiian shirt, underneath which is a white tank top. His jeans are a little faded and worn, but like the rest of his outfit, they are comfortable. The fox is startled by a quick kiss from the slightly smaller mammal, causing him to swerve ever so slightly, before regaining his cool composure. He looks at her as she lets out a giggle, before returning his bright green eyes to the road. They aren't fully aware of exactly where their destination is, other than it's in a desert, and that they feel some unseen force calling to them, drawing them in. And that the name of it is Sunset Valley._

 

That was a look at today's traffic!

 

Back to Maurice Ramsley, the brave Volunteer Librarian who stands as a sacred line of defense between the average Sunset Valley citizen and a horrifying death at the venomous claws of the books he stands guard over. But he is so much more than just a Volunteer Librarian, which is not to undermine the position that so few willingly choose to take up like Maurice did. I simply mean that there is more to the mammal than the job he volunteers to do without receiving any payment for it... aside from the weekly hazard pay, of course.

 

For instance, many of you fine mammals out there probably are unaware of just how much of a snappy dresser Maurice is. His preferred outfit is a pair of pristine white slacks and a matching undershirt, with a sweater-vest. And yes, it is cashmere. He likes to keep his wool trimmed neatly, year round, and take immaculate care of his hooves. He is also never seen without the amulet dangling from a chain around his neck. It's of a silver oak leaf, with a red eye carved in the center, that has a real ruby as an iris. Also, more than one mammal has reported the eye of the amulet blinking and glowing on several occasions. I wonder how Matthew would look in a sweater-vest... hmm... now that's a sight I wouldn't mind seeing from that tall drink of wa--EHEM! 

 

What I meant to say, precious listeners, is that it's time for a word from one of our sponsors!

__

_You're watching a movie, an old black and white film. You're not sure of how old it is, just that it's something way before your time, and that it's one of your favorites. You worked hard today, your hooves practically throbbing from standing on them all day. You looked forward to coming home and relaxing with an old classic movie. But you find that you can't relax, as you stare at the paused black and white image on your television screen. You sip the glass of wine you poured for yourself, to complement the pricey but worth it soy-based cheeses on those fancy alfalfa crackers you enjoy so much, to really make an evening of it, and find what you see with your own two eyes to be far too unsettling to allow for you to relax._

_In the scene before you, one that you have seen countless times before and know almost by heart, you see something very... different. Or perhaps... out of place is the better phrasing. That's because, on the easy chair in the background of the mansion in the movie, behind the actors from long ago, is you. Not your reflection on the screen itself, but you, dressed for the role of someone in the background of the fancy dinner party. There you sit, with a warm smile on your muzzle, in black and white, as frozen as everything else in the scene. As you stare, the fear and anxiety growing within you, you see a fraction of movement as the black and white version of you, despite the movie still being paused, turns its head to face you, its smile growing wider, but also colder. The image of you opens its mouth to speak._

_Get Straightforward TV today!_

 

Getting back to the ram in question, and not the strangely curious new mammal in our midst called a hue-mann, Matthew, or that cute way he tends to look around nervously as he acclimates to the many quirks of our quaint little desert town, the females of Sunset Valley will be happy to know that Maurice is officially on the market. He hasn't exactly expressed a specific desire to find a mate, or to enter any kind of a romantic relationship, but the secret agent responsible for observing and secretly reporting on Maurice, Duke Weasleton who lives at 436 Cypress Lane, was overheard whispering into the cuff of his black suit that he could tell that Maurice was starting to show the signs of either planning on making harmful knowledge freely available to the public or looking to find that special someone, as both actions have similar tells.

 

And now, this week's Horoscopes!

 

Aries! Your house is a mess. I mean really! Who just leaves their clothes all strewn about like that, in the living room no less? And that layer of dust on your bookshelf is almost an inch thick! And that carpet needs some good deodorizing and vacuuming! I know for a fact that the mammals working for the various indeterminate and ominous authorities would appreciate you making your home much more presentable before their next random and thorough search of it. Oh, and they also said to ask for you to do something about those cobwebs in the corners of your ceiling.

 

Taurus! Watch out for that old lady trying to cross the road today! You might accidentally miss her, and we can't have that. Not after the things she's seen and done. We... can't... have... that... [ _Sound of a Babbling Brook_ ]

 

Gemini! Today's a great day for some fishing! Specifically, for the answers to the burning and all-consuming question that is always at the forefront of your mind. Of course... you may not like the answer that you get... or the consequences of simply asking...

 

Cancer! Things have been set in motion. Great things, terrible things, wondrous things, and nightmarish things. They have all been set in motion, and you alone are solely responsible for all that comes next... for better or worse, you are responsible...

 

Leo! Watch out for random holes and doorways into alternate dimensions opening up around you. It's a good idea to act like nothing is out of the ordinary, as a general rule,but still... watch out.

 

Virgo! Chin up Virgo! Life can really get us all down from time to time, and today might very well be one of those days for you. However, just keep a positive attitude, a spring in your step, a spare grappling hook or two on paw, and maybe a shuriken or some poison blow darts, complete with blowgun, up your sleeve and things will turn out for the better.

 

Libra! Today, the planets have aligned in a way that you may choose to find some significance or meaning from, in an attempt to ignore the celestial bodies' movements with absolutely no regards whatsoever for your existence. The idea of our lives being at the mercy of things far beyond our understanding or control is slightly more comforting than staring out into a cold and indifferent universe, of which there is no purpose or order at all.

 

Scorpio! You're going to have a tendency to stand in your own way today, like with most days. Granted, that's usually because of your clone, who is an exact duplicate, always intentionally getting in your way, due to some deep-seated resentment that fosters a desire to inconvenience and/or kill you at all times of their existence. Just try to get out of your own way, okay? This is just getting childish.

Sagittarius! Your only limit is your imagination... well, that and the federal restrictions placed on your imagination. But what do you expect, letting your imagination run wild like that? That's just being an irresponsible imagination owner! Another slip-up like that and you just might lose your imagination license!

 

Capricorn! Someone's been extra good this week! Therefore, you've earned a special free pie voucher from Gideon's Bakery, the best and only bakery in town not burned to the ground under mysterious circumstances. It is good for one free pie, with the purchase of a large drink, and can be claimed from any of the Sheriff's Deputies! You need only step right up to any random Deputy, and say the super special fun phrase "I, insert name, hereby confess to the string of burglaries that has been stumping you and your department for the past few months." This special voucher giveaway, which is reserved specifically for Capricorns to collect, is sponsored by the local Sheriff's Department!

 

Aquarius! It would seem that things will not be going your way in the upcoming week. Everything will be going the exact opposite of your intended way, actually. That includes traffic, the wind, time (or at least how you choose to perceive the idea of it), any rivers you might try to swim in, and etc. Nope, things will not be going your way at all! Be careful...

 

Pisces! At some point in the upcoming week, the actions of your ordinarily day to day life will become an exact duplicate of that dream you had last week. You know, the one that was kinda like a musical, but with sections of your body melting away and sloughing off your pristine, bleached skeleton, which shall remain animated and controlled by your consciousness? Yeah, that's the one! That sounds like quite the eventful week for you, Pisces!

 

Well, I would be remiss if I did not also inform you, the precious listeners, that Maurice Ramsley stands at a whopping five feet and ten inches, which is pretty big for a caprid, and weighs in at around two-hundred and eighty pounds, which one look at those lithe and rippling muscles from under his shirt and sweater-vest makes that number all too believable. This is most likely a result of his very dedicated workout routine, which can be observed out in the desert, when he thinks he's alone and not being watched. Those watching him, usually disguised as shrubbery and other parts of the landscape, can enjoy the sight of Maurice summoning shadowy two-dimensional entities that he then fights off, again and again, with of course his trusty trident, and occasionally the dagger hidden up his sleeve. I have to wonder if Matthew enjoys working out... and I also have to wonder if he enjoys working out without a shirt on..

 

OH! Uhm... h-h-here we have another word from yet another one of our station's sp-sponsors!

__

_His scent still lingers in the air, making your tail give an involuntary wag. You let out a sigh as you roll over in bed, enjoying how his scent has intermingled with the bed sheets. Climb down from the bed, and stretch a little, looking at the disheveled clothes strewn about, giggling a little at the memory of how nervous he had been the night before. You pad serenely down the hall and into your kitchen, which is also a mess. Dark red stains were splashed and spattered about._

_A large blood stain forms a very clear drag mark that leads out into your living room, where there is the circle formed from the still-lit candles and the symbols drawn with his blood. He had been reluctant to partake in the ritual, been so nervous and fidgety. But you smile down at his lifeless carcass, laying eviscerated in the center of the circle, the wolf's body long since cold, just after the invisible entities had turned his fear and pain into sheer terror and agony before they claimed his soul._

_Got soy milk?_

 

Okay there, precious listeners, time to get this program back on track! Maurice Ramsley, one of Sunset Valley's premiere eligible bachelors. According to the various reports on him, two of which were hastily scrawled on used napkins from the bowling alley, and I think that that's nacho cheese sauce on the corner of this one, Maurice enjoy reading, writing, long walks through the desert, and bi-monthly ritualistic chanting out in the Peridot Canyon during the full and new moon. He dislikes having to harm a book without just cause, country music, and attempts made on his life by masked mammals resembling the classic image of ninjas.

 

Oh, silly me, I'm making this sound like a dating profile for the ram... hmm... now there's a thought... Precious listeners, while I ruminate on that last thought, please allow me to take you to the weekly forecast.

 

_It has come again. For the last few months, every two weeks or so, it has arrived at your front door, and knocked. It is always insistent, wanting you to open the door. You don't know what it is... other than what you saw when you looked through the peephole, which will haunt your nightmares for the rest of your life... and possibly long into your next one..._

_It begins again, knocking lightly, continuously, with only a hint at being impatient. But, like clockwork, the knocks gradually become louder and much more fervent. As the night wears on, the knocking becomes banging, loud and angry. How dare you keep it out, the sound of the knocks ask in lieu of a nonexistent voice. Soon they can no longer be called knocks, as it sounds as though there's something heavy slamming against the door now, repeatedly. It wants in, very, very badly. And you wonder to yourself, how much longer can the door possibly hold?_

_You don't wonder what will happen if it ever manages to get in. The primordial fear in the back of your mind tells you exactly what will happen. The slamming continues and grows even louder as the night wears on. Finally, at the break of dawn, just as you start to hear a couple of crunches from the last two heavy slams against the door, there is an agitated hiss as the sun rises, and suddenly, the pounding stops altogether. You release your pent-up breath for now, until you see the condition of your front door, and the dread returns._

 

And that was a look at the upcoming weekly forecast!

 

Well, precious listeners, as I was pondering... what I was pondering just before the weekly forecast, we here at the station were surprised to find that we had received a call from none other than Maurice Ramsley himself. He called to say that he was flattered to have today's broadcast dedicated to him, and to thank us for the kind words. He also went on to say that, while flattering, he doesn't really need the local community radio's help to begin dating, as he has recently started seeing someone. He wouldn't say who, just that he and this new someone in his life were just meeting up for drinks, and seeing where things would go from there. And I really tried to get the information out of him, precious listeners, I mean, I really grilled him on it.

 

He politely thanked me for my time, and then ended the call. Well Maurice, may you and whomever this mysterious someone that you're meeting for drinks at the still undisclosed location have a nice time. And also, I would like to thank Maurice, not only for taking the time to call us up here at the station, but also for your brave service as a Volunteer Librarian. It would seem that this concludes today's broadcast. Coming up next is fourteen hours of subliminal advertising to join the hidden army of samurai on the next dimensional plane. And as always, good night, precious listeners. Good night... and... good luck...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hey there, readers! I just cannot even begin to tell you just how much fun writing this story is. Thank you very much for taking the time to read it and my other stories, assuming that you have. Be sure to let me know what you think!**

**Author's Note:**

> **And there you have it dear readers! I certainly hope that you enjoyed this experimental first installment in my new Zootopia-style tribute to _Welcome to Night Vale_! Of course, be sure to take the time to check out my other stories on Fictionpress.com, _The Fox's Path_ , _The Thaumaturgist_ , and _Hairball_!**


End file.
